Today is 12^th of December- still a bad day. Actually it’s the worst day of 2005

I don’t why everything is so unfair for me. Firstly, I’d been trying so hard for a year, and I finally got failed. So I’d been transferred to ordinary degree, and said goodbye to my hons. I was  hugely shocked by the result. I didn’t even think I could fail.

And then it’s today. I thought today would be the happy day and also the only happy day of this year. (Cuz, this year is really awful for me, everything is not like what I thought it would be. Everything!)  Everyone is talking, laughing in the church, and I also asked my friend Jimmy to bring his camera, so he could shoot a lot of pictures of every happy moment of mine- the choir, the singing part. Actually, we’d been practicing these songs for a month, and I bought new white shirt, black trousers, and black top. I wanted this moment to be perfect so badly.

However, as what I said, thing doesn’t work out the way which it should be. 3 hours before the performance, my “old friend” Summer, who I met in my first UK year. Today is also her master graduation ceremony she asked me to attend the ceremony. Honestly, I did not want to go to her ceremony. Because she’s extremely selfish But I though it over, and then I felt that today is her big day. Even though she has uncountable mistakes or treat me bad for two years, she still should be happy today. So I finally decided to go to her ceremony., and convinced my friend Jimmy come with me. ( Jimmy knows her as well) We got there, she dressed quite nice. But she didn’t bring the camera with her. So we lent her our camera. After taking few pictures, I had to go to dress for tonight’s performance. But she wanted to take pictures with other people. She said she would come to my performance tonight and bring back the camera. I thought it was ok, actually it’s not. She didn’t show up in the church. She’s still selfish. She didn’t even give me a phone call. I don’t care if she’s here. All I care is the camera. Today is her big day, so am I.

Everything is ruined, no pictures of choir or singing part. I’ve been preparing this moment for a month, and finally I got nothing left. No even a picture of the good memories. The world would never know I was in the choir, and how great that performance was.  

I am so sad. I realize that I’m such a loser. I fail everything I’ve tired.  I don’t believe God. But if God really exist, can he see what’s happened on me?! What am I doing wrong? Is this which people called destiny?  It’s 4 o’clock in the morning on 13^th. I still cannot fall in sleep. So I am just typing and typing till I don’t know what I’m typing about…

Today is 13^th of December, everything has past away- the choir, the feelings and all of the good memories…